I had a heart to heart with my father a few days ago and during the course of conversation I revealed things to him I have not shared with another person, not even Han. My insecurities, my feelings of inadequacy, my feelings of not being enough. I wasn't enough to give my birth mother a will to live. I am not enough for my birth father, who has never accepted me.
I love my adopted family. They raised me as if their own and I am so thankful for them. Nothing could replace the love I have for them. I tell myself they are all I need, yet late at night when I try to sleep, I know that I need more. I long for acceptance, I long for the love of my birth parents. Sadly, I know those are dreams that can never be realized in this lifetime. Each day I grow more accustomed to the hole in my heart that my birth parents should fill and I long for the day I don't feel it anymore...maybe one day I will have that peace.
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