A Night Out

Last night, Han and I decided it would be great fun to take my little sister Cesera to a movie. The following is a transcript of what took place.

Me: We should do something fun.
Han:  Fun?
Cess: *curious* like what??
Han:  Movie? Bowling? Something like that?
Me:   Yes, or even skating? Since it's quiet, might as well make the most of it.
Cess: *nodnodnod, excited* yes please!
Me: You pick!
Cess:  ummm.... *can't choose* everything!
Me: *laughs* How about a movie?
Cess:  okay!! um... *looks through a holo- collection, trying to decide*
Han: I think Leia wants to take you to a theatre.
Me: Yes, with big tubs of popcorn, big holo screens..
Cess: *eyes widen really big* oooooooooooooooo! YES PLEASE!
Han: Let's go.
Me:  *laughs* What kind or movie should we see?
Cess:   you pick, big sissy! something fun! not those scary movies Daddy likes to watch.
Me:  *grabs your hand letting you walk between Han and I* Frozen, perhaps?
Han:  I am not watching Frozen.
Cess: *looks betwen you both* Frozen? Whats that about?
Leia: It is about a Queen who has powers to turn things to ice like Hoth. There is a princess, an ice smuggler and his furry sidekick, a prince who has potential to be great but chooses the dark path. Oh, and trolls.
Cess: ooooooh! That sounds cute! *looks up at Han*
Han:  What about We Are Stormtroopers? #manmovie
Me: I think you are outnumbered, Han.
Cess:  *giggles*
Han: Fine. *grumbles and says to ticket master* 2 adults, 1 kid for....*sigh* Frozen.
Cess:   *claps her hands, excited* YIPPEEE!!
Me:  Let's go to the snack bar.
Cess:  OKAY! *skips along, looks at the snacks in case* oooh, these look yummy! *sees the popcorn ad, almost drools*
Han:  *orders large tub of popcorn and 3 sodas*
Cess:  *finds their theater, runs in and looks around, wondering where to sit. Starts climbing the steps to the top*
Leia: *scans the theatre, climbs stairs after you*
Cess: *finds a seat in the center back, all bubbly and excited* oh boy oh boy!!
Leia: *whispers* Han, sit in the middle so we can all reach the popcorn.
Han: *grumbles about bossy princesses and sits down*
Cess: *takes her soda and calms down* #slurpp
Leia: *sips her soda and grabs a handful of popcorn* Han...do you want to build a snowman?
Han: *clenched teeth* No. #yes
Cess: *gasps as the film starts, starts to get that wide-eyed entranced look just as little Anna does in the throne room with Elsa, grabs some popcorn* wow.... #omnomnom
Leia: *looks over at Han, trying not to laugh.*
Han: Hey...that Ice guy...my kind of dude!
Cess:  *giggles, gasps* O-Olaf! *whispers* I like warm hugs too... *noms more popcorn*
Han: *absent mindedly eating popcorn becoming engrossed in the film*
Leia: Let it go, let it go...
Cess:  *jaw drops at the scene with Hans' betrayal, to herself: noooOO!" #spoiler ;)
Han:  *grabs a handful of popcorn* She should have stuck with that ice guy
Leia: I, for one, did not see that coming.
Cess:  *crosses her arms, pouts quietly* Hans is a poop.
Han: I knew a guy like him would end up with the princess!
Cess: *giggles* he needs his happy ending!
Han: *laughs, almost choking on popcorn*
Leia: *pats Han's back*
Cess:  *watches Hans get decked* Woah... I wonder if mommy can throw punches like that...  *slurps her soda*
Han: *snorts*. I know your sister could!
Leia:   *throws a piece of popcorn at Han*
Cess:  woah... *sees the popcorn fly, gasps* big sissy!
Han: Hey!  *brushes popcorn out of his hair*
Leia: *looks ahead innocently* a happy ending  *smiles*
Cess:  *grins big* That was a happy movie!
Leia: It was! I'll be singing for days now , much to Chewie's dismay.
Han: *macho* It was alright.
Cess:  *pokes your arm* You liked it!
Han:  #totallydid I mean, it's not like I'd watch it again or own it or anything.
Cess: If you say so, big brother.
Leia: *stands and stretches*
Cess: *stands and hops up and down, giddy*. This was so fun!
Leia: We should do this more often!
Han: It was fun. A night out with my favorite ladies.
Cess: *nodnodnod* Maybe next time Han can pick the movie.
And we dropped Cess off at home.

Wookiee's Are Better than Imperials

I overheard Han singing this and had to share.


  Wookiee's are Better than Imperials

Han: Wookiee's are better than Imperials. Chewie , don't you think that's true?

Han (As Chewie): Yeah, Imperials will beat you and curse you and kill you. Every one of them was bad except you

Han: Oh, thanks buddy. But Imperials smell better than Wookiees, Chewie, don't you think I'm right?

Han (As Chewie): That's once again true, for all except Tarkin.

Han: You got me, let's call it a night.

Han (As Chewie): Good night

Han: Don't let the Mynocks bite

Cracks Beneath the Surface

I feel as if right below the surface, there a millions of tiny cracks running through me. Each day, new cracks are added: new stresses, new fears. One day, there will be no room for any more cracks, and I fear I will just crumble.

Aria got to me yesterday. She knew my every step, she knew what was happening on the ship. She even knew I wasn't on the shuttle that she detonated. That was her warning, perhaps next time I won't..we won't..be so lucky. The whole evening was absolutely horrifying, but the thing that scares me the most is I almost lost Han. Han is the superglue that holds me together and without him, I feel like I would just shatter. She has made me feel vulnerable, so vulnerable and I don't know how much more I can take before I just fall apart.

Trying to process..

So, the one thing I never imagined happening in my life has come to pass. I don't know what to make of it and am having a very hard time dealing with it. You would think a woman who withstood a mind probe by Darth Vader, who watched as her home planet was destroyed, who watched the one she love get tortured and frozen carbonite, who was chained to a disgusting slug named Jabba the Hutt would be able to handle everything. This is different. Too many conflicting emotions. I want to do what's right, I am trying to do what's right but I keep failing. Force give me the strength to put aside my own emotions and be happy for them...don't let me trample my father's happiness...help me to deal..

I Have Been Changed For Good

I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack this evening, and this song resonated with me. I put myself in the place of Glinda and my biological father in the place of Elphaba. Read the words as if we were saying them. I also enclosed a link to the song, so you can hear it. It's quite beautiful. I hope you enjoy.



(Elphaba): Vader
Im limited
Just look at me - Im limited
And just look at you
You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda
So now it's up to you
For both of us - now it's up to you...

(Glinda): Leia
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

(Elphaba): Vader
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you

(Glinda): Leia
Because I knew you

(Both):
I have been changed for good

(Elphaba): Vader
And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for

(Glinda): Leia
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share

(Both):
And none of it seems to matter anymore

(Glinda): Leia
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood

(Elphaba): Vader
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood

(Both):
Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better
(Glinda): Leia
And because I knew you...

(Elphaba): Leia
Because I knew you...

(Both):
Because I knew you...
I have been changed for good

The heart wants what the heart wants..

I had a heart to heart with my father a few days ago and during the course of conversation I revealed things to him I have not shared with another person, not even Han. My insecurities, my feelings of inadequacy, my feelings of not being enough. I wasn't enough to give my birth mother a will to live. I am not enough for my birth father, who has never accepted me.

I love my adopted family. They raised me as if their own and I am so thankful for them. Nothing could replace the love I have for them. I tell myself they are all I need, yet late at night when I try to sleep, I know that I need more. I long for acceptance, I long for the love of my birth parents. Sadly, I know those are dreams that can never be realized in this lifetime. Each day I grow more accustomed to the hole in my heart that my birth parents should fill and I long for the day I don't feel it anymore...maybe one day I will have that peace.

Han and Leia

My typist found this video on youtube and it is too cute not to share!
If Han and Leia's story was a romantic comedy, this is what the trailer would look like: