My brother, my hero

In world full of turmoil,confusion, hatred and fear, there is one I can count on no matter what. My brother. Without his protection and good heart, I would most likely be dead. I owe him more than I could ever repay for the kindness, concern, and love he has shown me. To Luke, I want to say thank you from the depths of my heart for showing me what true family is. Also, thank you for not being like our father where it counts. You are a better man than he could ever hope to be. I love you. Oh, and hang on to Mara. She is a keeper.

*sigh*

Well, tonight Aria Brisard, twitter's favorite blaster toting Corellian, invited me to the Exactor to talk. However, when I arrived it seemed as if something were amiss. Vader was with her and everytime I spoke she seemed more on edge. Finally she snapped and attacked me! She pinned me down on the floor and made threats to me. I reached for my wrist comm to send a "may day", and she ripped it off of my arm and Vader proceeded to "put me to sleep". So now, I am unconscious, in a cell, on the Exactor. Not to mention my diplomatic mission was postponed due to some intel I received concerning the planet Tynnara. I fear for their saftey and did give permission for a squadron of Rebels to be on call for assistance. So unconscious and worried about my comrads safety.
And how was YOUR weekend?

Cheetos=Amazing

One of my crew members was aboard a trade mission to the planet Earth recently. As a token of appreciation to me for granting him permission to take a leave from my ship for the mission, and also because I am one hell of a boss, he brought me back a present. I have to admit when I opened the giant cardboard box, I was surprised and a bit confused as to what was inside. There were many bags of this:


I was hesistant at first to open a bag and try one but after urging from the crew, I finally did. Taking my first bite of a cheeto was like entering into a nommy, crunchy, artificial cheese flavored paradise. Now, five bags later, I am still eating them! My hands are orange, my mouth is orange and I even got cheese powder on my Senate Dress Robes. I hope this washes out of white...
Apparently I have no self control. So if anyone happens to be on the Tantive IV, please hide the Cheetos from me before I end up as Leia the Hutt. Thank you.

Alls Well Ends Well

There is a saying that states "Alls well, ends well." I suppose that could be used to surmise my emotional state.

Han came home tonight. I knew I had to tell him what happened, and I knew it would not be pretty. So I told him what had occured and how often, and he flipped. We argued but in the end, he forgave me. Can you believe it? I was so relieved..as strong as my feeling were/are for Dak, they can't eclipse the love and history I share with Han. Being in Han's arms tonight made me realize that. I can't let him down again..I won't let him down again and to do that either I will be with him 24/7 or resolve never to lay eyes on Dak again..it's the only way.

I am a life ruiner...

If I were to describe my night by emotions and feelings in the order they occurred, it would go a little something like this: nervous, anticipation, relief, touched,cherished, loved, desired, used, manipulated, sick, angry at self, disappointed, and yet wanting more.

Kark, I should emblazon my chest with a big scarlet letter.


How could I be so foolish? I have a wonderful man at home, who I have built my life with. He loves me and I love him. Truly, I do. Yet I was willing to risk him and our love over a powerful attraction to another man.

I could make the typical excuses one might make when they find themselves in a situation similar to this.

I could say I was lonely. ((which I am, Han has been away for quite some time and when he is home either he is resting or scouting out new venture))

If I really spoke the truth, the pure, simple truth, it would be that the pull Dak has over me is the fact that he makes me feel important, appreciated. He seems to genuinely care about me and my ambitions, and I bought into the idea of him hook line and sinker.

Now, I am paying for it. I risked my family, my reputation, and my career for my own selfish desires. I look in the mirror and I do not like the person I see standing there.

Some may say I am too hard on myself, that is was one (OK maybe 3) kisses. Those kisses should have never happened though. I will just throw myself back into my work and forget about my heart and pray to the Force that Han will forgive me..

Where to begin?

I am a horrible person. Terrible. Wicked. Immoral.
I am a Senator. I have a reputation to maintain. I am married for kriff's sake. Yet, I can't get him out of my head. There is a connection there I can't explain. Last night, in his arms, the whole world felt right. How could something that seems so right be so wrong? Maybe I should just forget I even met him...but I can't..and I won't....