However, there is one thing I fear more than even Sand People. I didn't realize how much I actually feared this til I was presented the opportunity to study the force with first Obi Wan Kenobi, then my father, the young Anakin Skywalker. At first I was very excited about the prospect, but the longer I think about, the more afraid I am becomming. Why you ask?
*pauses*
I am afraid I will become like him.
Silly fear? You may think yes. I think no. Opening myself up to the force opens myself up to a power I have never known and I am afraid it will change me, like it did him. I don't want that to happen, but what if I am genetically predisposed for it? Is it a risk worth taking?
I need to pull myself together.
Its just s silly fear..no reason to worry.. Right?
I don't believe this is a silly fear at all. Fears such as this are never silly and in fact are very real tangible things. Given your history with your father it's an understandable fear.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you know the risks gives you an advantage, I think. You know would CAN happen and yet have the will and determination to be able to prevent it from happening.
The Dark Side does have it's own allure and that will be something you - as well as all Force learners - will have to face. However I encourage you think of everything you've already endured and have had the unfailing strength to withstand. Not many people would have had the ability to face some of the things you have and maintain such a healthy attitude such as the one you showed me on my own blog ("never give up hope") earlier this morning.
If it helps in any way at all I believe in you and I think deep down you also believe in yourself.
You are right. I am well aware of the risks having seen what it has done to Vader, as well as my children. I don't want that to happen to me..won't LET it happen to me. I can do this.
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