Cracks Beneath the Surface

I feel as if right below the surface, there a millions of tiny cracks running through me. Each day, new cracks are added: new stresses, new fears. One day, there will be no room for any more cracks, and I fear I will just crumble.

Aria got to me yesterday. She knew my every step, she knew what was happening on the ship. She even knew I wasn't on the shuttle that she detonated. That was her warning, perhaps next time I won't..we won't..be so lucky. The whole evening was absolutely horrifying, but the thing that scares me the most is I almost lost Han. Han is the superglue that holds me together and without him, I feel like I would just shatter. She has made me feel vulnerable, so vulnerable and I don't know how much more I can take before I just fall apart.

Trying to process..

So, the one thing I never imagined happening in my life has come to pass. I don't know what to make of it and am having a very hard time dealing with it. You would think a woman who withstood a mind probe by Darth Vader, who watched as her home planet was destroyed, who watched the one she love get tortured and frozen carbonite, who was chained to a disgusting slug named Jabba the Hutt would be able to handle everything. This is different. Too many conflicting emotions. I want to do what's right, I am trying to do what's right but I keep failing. Force give me the strength to put aside my own emotions and be happy for them...don't let me trample my father's happiness...help me to deal..

I Have Been Changed For Good

I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack this evening, and this song resonated with me. I put myself in the place of Glinda and my biological father in the place of Elphaba. Read the words as if we were saying them. I also enclosed a link to the song, so you can hear it. It's quite beautiful. I hope you enjoy.



(Elphaba): Vader
Im limited
Just look at me - Im limited
And just look at you
You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda
So now it's up to you
For both of us - now it's up to you...

(Glinda): Leia
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

(Elphaba): Vader
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you

(Glinda): Leia
Because I knew you

(Both):
I have been changed for good

(Elphaba): Vader
And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for

(Glinda): Leia
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share

(Both):
And none of it seems to matter anymore

(Glinda): Leia
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood

(Elphaba): Vader
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood

(Both):
Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better
(Glinda): Leia
And because I knew you...

(Elphaba): Leia
Because I knew you...

(Both):
Because I knew you...
I have been changed for good

The heart wants what the heart wants..

I had a heart to heart with my father a few days ago and during the course of conversation I revealed things to him I have not shared with another person, not even Han. My insecurities, my feelings of inadequacy, my feelings of not being enough. I wasn't enough to give my birth mother a will to live. I am not enough for my birth father, who has never accepted me.

I love my adopted family. They raised me as if their own and I am so thankful for them. Nothing could replace the love I have for them. I tell myself they are all I need, yet late at night when I try to sleep, I know that I need more. I long for acceptance, I long for the love of my birth parents. Sadly, I know those are dreams that can never be realized in this lifetime. Each day I grow more accustomed to the hole in my heart that my birth parents should fill and I long for the day I don't feel it anymore...maybe one day I will have that peace.

Han and Leia

My typist found this video on youtube and it is too cute not to share!
If Han and Leia's story was a romantic comedy, this is what the trailer would look like:

Leia Gaga- Rebel Base

Mum mum mum mah
Mum mum mum mah

My ship was boarded on my way to Alderaan.
Troopers took it over and a search was begun.
((where is it?))
Where are the Death Star plans, I know they’re what you got.
I’m a member of the senate, a diplomatic mission I’m on.

Oh, oh oh oh oh, o-o-o-o-o-oh
I’m in trouble, R2 find Obi Wan.
Oh, oh oh oh oh, o-o-o-o-o-oh
I’m in trouble, R2 find Obi Wan.

Can’t find my
Can’t find my
No he can’t find my rebel base.
(Where is the base located?)
Can’t find my
Can’t find my
No he can’t find my rebel base
(where is the base located?)

r-r-r-rebel base, r-r-rebel base
(Mum mum mum mah)
r-r-r-rebel base, r-r-rebel base
(Mum mum mum mah)

I wanna know the place where your rebels hide.
You need to tell me since you’re going to die.
((Bye Leia))
I have a death ray aimed at precious Alderaan.
One push of a button and your planet is gone.

Oh, oh oh oh oh, o-o-o-o-o-oh
I’m in trouble, R2 find Obi Wan.
Oh, oh oh oh oh, o-o-o-o-o-oh
I’m in trouble, R2 find Obi Wan.

Can’t find my
Can’t find my
No he can’t find my rebel base.
(Where is the base located?)
Can’t find my
Can’t find my
No he can’t find my rebel base
(where is the base located?)

r-r-r-rebel base, r-r-rebel base
(Mum mum mum mah)
r-r-r-rebel base, r-r-rebel base
(Mum mum mum mah)

I will tell you, please don’t harm them
They are peaceful
Cause no trouble, have no weapons.
I’m not lying, if you promise I will tell you info.
Our base location is a secret
Listen carefully before I chicken out.
Our base is on, our base is on
Check it out..it’s on Dantooine.

On Dantooine, on Dantooine, on Dantooine, on Dantoine.

Princess Leia is a liar.

Can’t find my
Can’t find my
No he can’t find my rebel base.
(Where is the base located?)
Can’t find my
Can’t find my
No he can’t find my rebel base
(where is the base located?)

r-r-r-rebel base, r-r-rebel base
(Mum mum mum mah)
r-r-r-rebel base, r-r-rebel base
(Mum mum mum mah)

More Fan Letters

I received this letter in the mail from a fan from the planet Earth in the Milky Way system. It made me smile, so I thought I would share. ((author's note: this letter is actually based on a story my boss told me about his daughter))

Dear Princess Leia,

As Halloween will be approaching soon I thought I would share a story about my daughter with you. She is seven and a huge fan of you. For Halloween, she decided last year to go as Princess Leia. We made her a white Leia dress, put her hair in buns, and even gave her a light saber. We were walking through the neighborhood and at one house, they had a person dresses as the Chainsaw man. He had a chain saw that made noise but had no blade so as not to hurt the children. Anyways, as we got to this house, he came out to scare the kids. Several of them ran to their parents or cried, but my "little Princess Leia" took her light saber, hit him in the leg with it, and said, "Princess Leia fears no one!"

It was so cute and true. You have courage and strength that most do not. You are a role model and one I am proud my daughter has.

Best wishes to you,

Always a fan in Alabama




Always,

Thank you for sharing that. I appreciate the kind words and thoughts. Best wishes to you and your little girl and may the force be with you!


Princess Leia

My brother, my hero

In world full of turmoil,confusion, hatred and fear, there is one I can count on no matter what. My brother. Without his protection and good heart, I would most likely be dead. I owe him more than I could ever repay for the kindness, concern, and love he has shown me. To Luke, I want to say thank you from the depths of my heart for showing me what true family is. Also, thank you for not being like our father where it counts. You are a better man than he could ever hope to be. I love you. Oh, and hang on to Mara. She is a keeper.

*sigh*

Well, tonight Aria Brisard, twitter's favorite blaster toting Corellian, invited me to the Exactor to talk. However, when I arrived it seemed as if something were amiss. Vader was with her and everytime I spoke she seemed more on edge. Finally she snapped and attacked me! She pinned me down on the floor and made threats to me. I reached for my wrist comm to send a "may day", and she ripped it off of my arm and Vader proceeded to "put me to sleep". So now, I am unconscious, in a cell, on the Exactor. Not to mention my diplomatic mission was postponed due to some intel I received concerning the planet Tynnara. I fear for their saftey and did give permission for a squadron of Rebels to be on call for assistance. So unconscious and worried about my comrads safety.
And how was YOUR weekend?

Cheetos=Amazing

One of my crew members was aboard a trade mission to the planet Earth recently. As a token of appreciation to me for granting him permission to take a leave from my ship for the mission, and also because I am one hell of a boss, he brought me back a present. I have to admit when I opened the giant cardboard box, I was surprised and a bit confused as to what was inside. There were many bags of this:


I was hesistant at first to open a bag and try one but after urging from the crew, I finally did. Taking my first bite of a cheeto was like entering into a nommy, crunchy, artificial cheese flavored paradise. Now, five bags later, I am still eating them! My hands are orange, my mouth is orange and I even got cheese powder on my Senate Dress Robes. I hope this washes out of white...
Apparently I have no self control. So if anyone happens to be on the Tantive IV, please hide the Cheetos from me before I end up as Leia the Hutt. Thank you.

Alls Well Ends Well

There is a saying that states "Alls well, ends well." I suppose that could be used to surmise my emotional state.

Han came home tonight. I knew I had to tell him what happened, and I knew it would not be pretty. So I told him what had occured and how often, and he flipped. We argued but in the end, he forgave me. Can you believe it? I was so relieved..as strong as my feeling were/are for Dak, they can't eclipse the love and history I share with Han. Being in Han's arms tonight made me realize that. I can't let him down again..I won't let him down again and to do that either I will be with him 24/7 or resolve never to lay eyes on Dak again..it's the only way.

I am a life ruiner...

If I were to describe my night by emotions and feelings in the order they occurred, it would go a little something like this: nervous, anticipation, relief, touched,cherished, loved, desired, used, manipulated, sick, angry at self, disappointed, and yet wanting more.

Kark, I should emblazon my chest with a big scarlet letter.


How could I be so foolish? I have a wonderful man at home, who I have built my life with. He loves me and I love him. Truly, I do. Yet I was willing to risk him and our love over a powerful attraction to another man.

I could make the typical excuses one might make when they find themselves in a situation similar to this.

I could say I was lonely. ((which I am, Han has been away for quite some time and when he is home either he is resting or scouting out new venture))

If I really spoke the truth, the pure, simple truth, it would be that the pull Dak has over me is the fact that he makes me feel important, appreciated. He seems to genuinely care about me and my ambitions, and I bought into the idea of him hook line and sinker.

Now, I am paying for it. I risked my family, my reputation, and my career for my own selfish desires. I look in the mirror and I do not like the person I see standing there.

Some may say I am too hard on myself, that is was one (OK maybe 3) kisses. Those kisses should have never happened though. I will just throw myself back into my work and forget about my heart and pray to the Force that Han will forgive me..

Where to begin?

I am a horrible person. Terrible. Wicked. Immoral.
I am a Senator. I have a reputation to maintain. I am married for kriff's sake. Yet, I can't get him out of my head. There is a connection there I can't explain. Last night, in his arms, the whole world felt right. How could something that seems so right be so wrong? Maybe I should just forget I even met him...but I can't..and I won't....

Why do I even bother?

Have you, my readers, ever had one of those days where nothing seems to go right? The type of day in which you wish you would have just stayed in bed and sleep the day away so you can start over the next day and hope beyond hopes it is better? My whole month has been like that.

What is the source of my distress, you may ask? This:


What the kriff is that, you wonder? That is where we hold our galactic senate meetings. We have very important legislation being discussed, and while I am not at liberty to discuss what happens behind closed door meetings and with the general information about the legislation available on holonet, I won't bore you to tears with those details. This past month I have been told this by fellow senators:

"You should have blown up with Alderaan"
"No wonder Han never stays home, if my wife was a frigid bitchI wouldn't stay home either."
and worst of all,
"put a helmet and a black suit on you and you could be Leia Vader."

To my fellow Senators I say, "Kark you. I was not elected to be Ms. Popularity. I was elected to act in the best interests of the galaxy, not to promote my own personal agendas. Too many of you have lost sight of the reason the Senate was formed and have let money and power take precedence in your life. You are all doing a diservice to the galaxy and to yourselves. One day you will regret the choices and actions you are taking now."

And on that note, I am going to sign off. Oh, I didn't mention my Han is home for a while. We had a very, VERY enjoyable night. *winks* School is starting soon for Allana so I have been gathering her new outfits and supplies for school. Wish her luck! Thank you for letting me vent and may the force be with you!

Beautiful Disaster

Everyonce in a while you come across a song that just touches a place in your heart, one that you really relate to. I was listening to music on my holopad today and came across this song and it spoke to me and I wanted to share it with you.





Maybe I just need someone to take me home..

To Padme, to Breha

Mother's day was a week ago and I have yet to pay homage to my mothers. Both have passed from this life, a void I feel every day of my existance. I would like to take a moment to honor their memory here.

Breha, words cannot express the gratitude and love I feel for you. You took me in as a newborn baby and loved me like your own. You witnessed my milestones in life. You heard my first word, watched me take my first steps. Comforted me when I skinned my knees playing in the courtyards. Listened as I told you of my first crush, my first kiss. You helped me become a lady. Your beauty and class was timeless. Your love was always felt. Though I can't see you or talk to you, I hope in some way you can see me and the woman I've become, and that you are proud of me. I love you mom, and I always will.


Padme, I wish I could have known you. I remember your beauty and I remember your sadness. I consider it a blessing of the force to remember that much. Though our meeting was brief, I want you to know how much I respect you. When I was being groomed for the Senate, I heard many tales of Queen Padme Amidala. I was fascinated by her, not realizing she was you. Many people feel I should be angry with you, that you let the loss of Anakin destroy you instead of living for your children. Those people, those cynics, do not know what it is to love deeply, to love passionately. Anakin was your heart and you couldn't live with out him, just like a body can't live without a heart. I am grateful for your existance, without you there would be no me. I love you, and always will. Happy belated Mother's Day.

So close

I had Vader in my grasp once and for all. He was rendered weak and I stole him away from Luke's ship, brought him to his home on Coruscant, stood above him with light saber poised ready to plunge it through his heart. Going through my mind was his cold black mask as he was torturing me on the Death Star, his cold hands on my shoulder when Alderaan was destroyed, and the most painful, seeing him torture my beloved Han. I was doing this for them, for all of us. He has shown no love for me, never has he acted as a father to me. He has been a tyrant and finally the galaxy would be rid of the one who takes pleasure in our pain, in our heartache.

I slowly began to lower the lightsaber and I stopped. New visions began to pop in my mind, visions sent by Vader. Visions of him lying in bed with Padme, resting his head on her belly, knowing he had a daughter, being THRILLED he had a daugther. I saw the visions and dreams he had for me: rocking me to sleep, looking lovingly in his arms at a sweet baby with Padme's face. Playing games with me, teaching me to pod race, loving me. Him picturing me being married one day, walking me down the aisle. Wanting me to follow Padme's steps into the Senate. All these dreams rushed in my head and at that moment I knew, despite the anger and hurt I feel for him..despite the distrust..despite the heartache he has caused me..that he loves me. He always has but for whatever reason the force has put us on a path where those dreams, his dreams could never be realized. With that, I couldn't do it. I dropped my saber and left. I LEFT. He was mine for the taking and I couldn't do it. I just couldn't do it...maybe...I love him too.

I Need You...

Another sleepless night for me, father. I keep replaying recent evens in my head, like a holo on repeat, and then my exhausted mind turns to you. How I long to talk to you, how I long for a hug and to hear you whisper, "Everything will be ok, Leia. Stay strong." As I strain in the dark to hear those words, the only sound I hear is the faint beep of various machines and security devices.

I wonder if you can see me, if you can hear me, if you approve of what I've done. Ever since I was a small girl I worshiped you. I will never forget the times you would steal me away from the hustle of the castle, and we would race through fields of wildflowers, laughing, enjoying the tranquility. I recall you being away on various diplomatic missions, but when you would return, after a formal welcome home dinner, usually you would offer your arm to me and we would walk the gardens. How I enjoyed the stories you regailed me with about various antics on the Senate floor. The concern you had about the uprising of the Empire. As a small child, I just thought of the Empire as "the bad guys" but the older I grew, the more I understood what the Empire represented. Your cause became my cause, and I fought and have continued to fight so hard to keep our dreams afloat for a better galaxy. I hope I have made you proud.

I really wish you were here, father. I need you..I can't do this alone..

Who is this girl staring back at me?

This morning I looked in the mirror and stared at the reflection. Staring back at me was a young lady with beautiful hair fix neatly in buns, clothes neat, nothing out of place. To the normal observer, I look the same. I look closely and wonder if anyone else notices the hollow hurt in my eyes, that my skin is more pale, that my eyes have a bluish tint under them from lack of sleep. I stare at this girl, this woman,and wonder, "Who are you? I use to know you, but I don't recognize you anymore." Life changes us, decisions change us, and yesterday I saw a side of myself that some consider great strength in leadership. If it such a great strength, why do I feel so terrible.

Vader had two of troop captive. They had been imprisoned since he boarded the Tantive IV years ago. He tortured them brutally asking for imformation they would not have been privvy to. I offered to take their place, just give them their freedom and he would not. He requested I meet him privately, alone, to discuss the situation. While I went with the best intentions of meeting and compromising, it was clear from the start that his method of compromising was using manipulation and fear tactics to get me to sign a treaty between the Rebel Alliance and the Empire. To further the manipulation, he then escorted out one of prisoners, bloody and beaten and told me for once I would witness the results of my actions. Sometimes I think Vader believes because I had a privileged childhood that I have not known pain. Was he NOT there on the Death Star while I was being tortured? I had sworn my allegiance to the Alliance..I believe in that cause with my whole heart. I can't betray millions of supporters for my personal, selfish motives and because of that millions on my home were destroyed. A piece of myself died that day. And while this time we were dealing with just two, a piece of myself died yesterday. I would have given anything to set them free, even cut off my own hands with a light saber, but Vader's one request was sign the treaty. I considered it, but Vader operates under Palpatine control and I am no fool. To sign that treaty would be signing over our freedom of choice, signing over everything I had fought for, everything my father had died for to save two people. Two people would have been free, but at the cost of millions of lives being under Empire control. I could not sign it, ran to save one prisoner, and Vader agreed to spare their life..as long as they join the Empire..and they did. THEY DID. Because of fear..because of manipulation and that frightens me. Who's next? How loyal are those who pledged their support to the cause? And was I wrong to put the Rebellion ahead of two lives? I feel terrible, but what choice did I have? I was alone per Vader's request while he had troops surrounding, any move on my part and he could have force snapped my neck. I had no choice.

I hate myself sometimes..and today is one of those days.

Vader went down to Endor

Vader went down to Endor, he was looking for rebels to kill.
He was in a bind because he was behind and Palpaltine's demands had to be filled.
When he came across this a princess sitting on chair with a look of delight.
And Vader pulled his light saber and said, "My blade I'll now ignite."
"Leia, you may not know this, but your rebels finally cracked.
They leaked the base then I fed them to garbage monster for a snack.
Now you look pretty calm right now, but give Vader his due.
One comm away, orbitting this planet is my whole empire crew."
Then Leia said," Go ahead attack me, and it might be my end,
but if you look around, I'm the only here and this base I will defend."

Leia pulls out her blaster, and takes aim at Vader's heart.
All kark's broke loose on Endor and Vader deals it hard.
If he wins the base is gone and the Rebels loose their hope.
And she wins, the galaxy will rejoice!

He's the Reason for the Teardrops on my Holo Pad

Exhausted doesn't begin to describe how I feel at the moment. How could he? Things were going well between us, things were feeling peaceful and he blindsides me like this. I can't compromise the lives of thousands on a rebel base for the two he captured. But their screams..they were in agony. That sound will haunt me forever. He has left me no choice. I can't sit idly by knowing my comrads, people fighting with me for the good of the galaxy, are in jeopardy. If this means war, so be it.

I spent last night with our chief pilot ((sure do wish Luke was here)) reconstructing Vader's ship, The Executor. Based on my recollection of the times I have been there, we have a pretty good understanding of all entrances and exits to the ship. I know the security there will be tough to break through, but we have to do something.

I just hope Allana doesn't get wind of what is going on..how will she feel? Will she hate me forever? Probably, but it has to be done. In leadership there comes a time in doing what is right, and what is easy. This is not easy at all. My brother is on that ship, but it has to be overtaken and destroyed. The galaxy needs to be rid of that heartless beast, Vader, once and for all.


*yawns* I will post more later..I need to have a briefing with the troops. May the force be with you all.

Everyone else is doing it...

Since everyone else is putting their feelings out there, I have something I need to get off of my chest.

I.

hate.

shrimp.



Saying things like: just try it! It's really good! You don't know what you are missing! does not change the fact that I don't think it tastes good at all. Plus the texture is weird. In the words of George Bush, who would not eat brocolli, I say to you: I'm not gonna do it. So enjoy your shrimp cocktails, shrimp gumbo, fried shrimp, boiled shrimp, shrimp po boys, etc ((thank you Bubba a la Forrest Gump)) I'll stick to burgers, chicken, and other land animals.


In other news, things have been going excellent at home, minus the fact my husbands life has been threatened and the same person threatened to make me a slave. So I guess really nothing is new at all. Allana is doing well in school. She is so determined to do well, I love watching her learn new things and I couldn't be more proud of her than I am right now.

Shmi id still loving her job at the bakery, and with the influx of birthdays lately, she has been quite the busy bee. I am so proud of my grandmother, though I don't say it to her often.

I suppose I should go now. I have a speech to give before the Senate next week that still needs revising, plus I have some correspondence to send to my fellow Senators. Hope you all are well and may the force be with you always.

Sick *cough cough*

Blame it on stress, too much work, not getting enough rest, what have you, but your favorite princess has a cold. I haven't had a cold this bad in ages. I can't breathe I am so stuffed up and I feel like I have coughed up a lung. *sigh* At least I have good people taking care of me: my faithful and loving husband Han and my beautiful, intelligent granddaughter Allana. *smiles* She told me last night she wanted to be a nurse when she grew up. She is so selfless and wants to help others. I couldn't be prouder.

Anyways, this medicine I am taking makes me drowsy, so I should probably end this post before I start talking out of my head. Goodbye for now.

Kind of an OOC mix

Not much to report since most people I was developing storylines with have quit coming in the tweet feed. *sniffs arm pits* Maybe I smell bad? Maybe I am a bad tweeter? I don't know. Guess I need to get Vader to RFC me somewhere so I can make a new story? Even my alts are finding the lack of tweets disturbing.

In IC news, I am happy to report that Shmi has a job! She was hired to help Disco at their shop. I have never seen her happier, though recently is the first time I have ever seen her at all. I also get the sense kind of lonely too. Everyone is off working on their own problems and often times she is left alone at the shop. I need to make a point to go see her more. Hope you all have a wonderful day in the force!

Resume

Shmi Skywalker, my grandmother who was recently freed from the life of slavery, is in search of a job. She is use to working and working hard. With all this free time she has now, she is going stir crazy. So, she approached me about helping her find a job. While I would love to hire her to help me,none of her skills go well with a life of politics. If any of you know of any job openings anywhere, please contact myself or Shmi to set up a job interview. Her resume is posted below:

Shmi Skywalker
Watto's Shop, Tattoine
www.twitter.com/shmi_skywalker

Key Skills:
Communication - Deals with an assortment of assignments from various authority figures.
Problem solving - Resolves in-depth problems in regards to fixing various machines, also can solve common household problems encountered while cooking and cleaning.
Team Player - Enjoys sharing knowledge and encouraging development of others to achieve specific life goals.
Planning and organizing - Sets out a schedule to make sure daily tasks are completed in a timely manner.

Previous Work Experience:
Employer/Master: Watto
Job Title: Slave
Job Description: Various tasks assigned by Watto.

Closing Remarks: I may not have had the privilege of being educated, but I am a hard worker and fast learner. Any job or task put before me, I will perform to the best of my ability. Thank you for your consideration.

Biggest Fear

Given the latest occurances you all are probably thinking: Sand People



However, there is one thing I fear more than even Sand People. I didn't realize how much I actually feared this til I was presented the opportunity to study the force with first Obi Wan Kenobi, then my father, the young Anakin Skywalker. At first I was very excited about the prospect, but the longer I think about, the more afraid I am becomming. Why you ask?

*pauses*

I am afraid I will become like him.



Silly fear? You may think yes. I think no. Opening myself up to the force opens myself up to a power I have never known and I am afraid it will change me, like it did him. I don't want that to happen, but what if I am genetically predisposed for it? Is it a risk worth taking?

I need to pull myself together.
Its just s silly fear..no reason to worry.. Right?

Can we say OUCH?

Young Ani and his friend Kitten wanted to go see Ani's mother, who happens to be my grandmother. I didn't want them going along so I graciously volunteered to take them on a trip to Tatooine. Shmi is a wonderful host, a very kind and loving woman. I have been having strange feelings lately, so I went on a walk yesterday to do some thinking and try to clear my head. Problem? I lost track of time! For those who don't know, being out in Tatooine after dark is NOT a good idea. I panicked, but Obi Wan told me to use the force to find my way home..I was doing great till I was surrounded by SAND PEOPLE!!!! I tried to shoot them with my blaster, but it was knocked away. I was hit really hard on my shoulder and my head. Just when I thought there was no hope left, my brother Luke showed up to save the day. He and Ani helped get me back to Shmi's, where I passed out.
Today, my head is killing me..there is a gash there and it is very sore. My should hurts and I feel like I have been beaten, but I am ok..no long term damage,I hope.

I am glad I was able to take Ani here..he seems so happy being with his mom..and it's nice getting to know my biological family..
Anyways, my head is pounding so I am going to go..
May the force be with you!

Therapy

So with all that is going on with my life regarding my dads, I decided to go to therapy. I had my first session last night and it was very helpful. It..feels good to talk about what I am feeling and not feel like I am being judged. I look forward to my next appointment.

In other news, my house has been home to 2 teenagers this week. Ani and Kitten have been staying the night with me. Allana has LOVED having Kitten around, and she always loves her granpa Ani. I love having them here as well..it makes me feel like a mom. Here in the verse, I was thrown into being a gramma before I actually really was a mom, so it's great practice and I like to think I am pretty good at it. I helped Kitten find her first bra, and now that she is a woman, I am going to set her up an appointment so she can be examined and ask the doctor personal questions. It''s amazing to see how far she has come since she first arrived in the 'verse.

In other news, I am peeling..I feel gross and icky, but I try to keep lotioned up so people don't' notice as bad.
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. This is Leia Solo, signing out.

There's no place like home!

Last night, Han and I decided it was time to head home. I had a wonderful time in Hawaii with him: surfing, hula dancing, relaxing on the beach. In fact, laying in the hammock on the beach was SO relaxing we both fell asleep and this happened:


It hurts. A LOT. There is this plant on Earth called "Aloe" and my loving husband has been dutifully applying the slime from inside of it to my shoulders. That sooths the pain for a bit. Plus my father, who knows all about burns, sent me an ointment to rub on it. I am just so afraid I am going to end up all gross looking like NakedVader. Not to mention the tan lines! I suppose one thing I inherited from the Skywalkers is vanity. I care what I look like! I just hope Disco was lying to me when she said my skin would peel off..that sounds painful..and GROSS. *shudder*

Anyways, I am glad to be home. I missed everyone, especially Ms. Allana Solo! I have lots of Gramma hugs and cookies for her when she gets home from school.

To save my marriage, I had to remove my twitterverse infomercial so I decided to use another media to advertise!

Now for the incredibly low price of $9.99 you can purchase a holo copy of Hula with Han!


BUT WAIT! There's more! If you order within the next 24 hours I will throw in a copy of Vogue with Vader ABSOLUTELY FREE!!!


Hurry while supplies last! All major credit cards accepted!

Aloha!

Yesterday, Han and I decided to take hula lessons! Han was amazing! They even called him to the front to demonstrate the moves. While he wasn't looking I snapped this picture of him

After our hula lesson, we took a walk on the beach to watch the sunset. It was so beautiful and I am so glad I got to experience seeing it with Han.




We are having a great time. This was a much needed vacation for me. I can't wait to get home and see Allana though. I miss her but I know she is having a great time with Disco and Rose! Time for me to go, Han and I are lounging in hammocks on the beach. This is definitely the life! May the force be with you!

Aloha!

Hello from the Sheraton-Maui Resort in Hawaii! It is the most beautiful place I have ever stayed in my life, which says a lot coming from a politician who has stayed in many palaces. So many natural wonders here: beautiful beaches with clear, blue water, trees and tropical flowers, and a Volcano! yes, that's right, I said a Volcano! I bet the inside of that thing makes Mustafar look like a Sauna!

Han and I had a wonderful night, without much sleep (we has a LOT of making up to do). After the most amazing night of my life, I lay in Han's arms, listening to him sleep, and I started to cry. Why, you ask? I was all of a sudden overwhelmed with how much I truly love Han Solo. Every day it just grow stronger and stronger. Right after that moment I was paralyzed with fear. I realized, one day Han may go on a mission or a smuggling trip and never make it back home. Of course after that thought I sobbed for hours. If I lost Han Solo, my heart would break. The bad thing about that is people in my family tend to DIE from broken hearts. I finally calmed myself down by remembering my words to Obi Wan..don't dwell on the past or worry about the future, just live in the present. And right now my present is lying here in the arms of the man I love and nothing is better than that.

Good news!

Han Solo is alive and well!

Where in the world is Han Solo?

Missing Person
Name: Han Solo
Nicknames: Stuck up, half witted, scruffy looking nerfherder
Height:6'1"
Eye Color: brown
Hair Color: brown
Distinguishing characteristics: scar on his chin
Last Seen: Before Christmas aka Life Day 2009, wearing a white shirt, black vest, and black pants.

If found, please contact me via twitter. Please help me bring Han back home.

If I could write a letter to me..

I don't know how many of you listen to music from the planet Earth, but when I went to Disney with Allana, Kiti, Ani and the Gryphon family I came across a very talented singer. He was in line at Space Mountain and all these women were throwing themselves at him, screaming Brad! Brad! Since I had a similar experience with people following me through the park, I figured he must be an important person, so I struck up a conversation with this gentleman. He was very fascinating, he was what earthlings call a "celebrity" and a "country music superstar". In conversation, he told me of a song he wrote entitled "If I Could Write a Letter to Me". I am going to use the premise of that song to address Barb's question from the blog below.

If I Could Send a Holo to Me...Leia Style

If I could send a holo to me
And send it back in time to myself at 17
First I'd prove it's me by saying how to fix the buns in your hair,
You twirl and twist the hair until it looks like you have two donuts there.
And then I'd say I know it's tough
when stand and watch Alderaan blow up.
And yeah I know that's your home and it just don't seem fair
All I can say is pain like that is fast and it's rare

And oh you got so much going for you going right
But I know at 17 it's hard to see things are alright
You have a bigger purpose
And still you feel like there's no hope left
And you're wondering if you'll survive
You'll make it through this and you'll see
You're still around to send this holo to me.

And right after Alderaan blows up
You are thrown into a detention cell.
And when that cute young man comes to rescue you and you have an urge to kiss
Remember he's your BROTHER and then sucker punch George Lucas!

Each and everytime you fight,
Just assume you're wrong and Han is right
And you should really thank Chewie
He spent so much extra time
It's like he sees the diamond underneath
And is fixin the Falcon till it flies



And oh you got so much going for you going right
But I know at 17 it's hard to see things are alright
You have a bigger purpose
And still you feel like there's no hope left
And you're wondering if you'll survive
You'll make it through this and you'll see
You're still around to send this holo to me.

Charming to the last...

While reading through my fan mail today, I came across a several holos with a questions I am asked often. I decided to address them here:

Princess Leia,
When you were taken captive in A New Hope, you told Tarkin you would recognize his foul stench anywhere. Is that a literal statement or a metaphore for the harm he was doing to the galaxy?

Sincerely,

Hot for you in Mustafar

I meant that in the literal sense. Have you EVER been in the same room with Tarkin? Apparently the Empire isn't too big on personal hygiene. Vader's torture methods are nothing compared to breathing in that filth. Soap and water Tarkin..ftl.

Your worship,
You told Han Solo that you only liked nice men. You said he was a scoundrel, yet later confessed your love for him. Seeing as you two have been an item ever since, how nice is he?

Curious in Coruscant

No one shares a love like Han and I. He can make me madder faster than any person I have ever met, but one flash of that sexy smile, and I melt. He is a VERY nice man and that's all I am going to say on that subject.


That's all the time I have to answer questions for today. If anyone has any further questions, feel free to formspring me or dm me on my twitter account: www.twitter.com/leiaorganasolo. May the force be with you!

World Peace

While listening to a fellow senator drone on about galactic peace today, my mind was brought to the "alliance" Darth Vader has proposed to me. On one hand, no longer would I have to endanger the lives of those who have pledged allegiance to the Rebel Alliance, because if what Vader has told me is true, the Empire would be demolished. However, my gut tells me not to trust him. He was part of the same crew that still destroyed Alderaan after I revealed the location of a rebel base, granted that base had been abandoned, but technically I did not lie. Once I sign the treaty, there is no going back. The fate of the galaxy is in my signature, but by not signing, I will be facing years of war, many lives lost. I am trying to keep my personal feelings out of this, I don't want to be the "Bush" of the galaxy but on the same token, I just don't trust Vader. I wish my father, Bail Organa, was still alive. He would know what to do..

Fun Night!

Last night was the most fun I have had in a long time. As most of you know, my husband Han is a smuggler. He is away often on trips and I am left home alone to tend to business and keep an eye on my grandaugther, Allana. Allana is back in school, so it can get quite lonely on my ship. Luke, my wonderful brother, invited me to his ship last night and we decided to play board games. The game of choice for the evening: Galatic Battleship. After a long, hard battle, Luke came out the victor by sucessfully destroying all my ships. It was so much fun. I am so glad our paths have crossed. It makes me wish we could have grown up together, but maybe this way we appreciate each other more. I look forward to more fun and adventures with him in the future, force willing! Love you, Luke!

Where do I belong?

Have you ever felt like you didn't fit in anywhere? Growing up I knew I was adopted. My parents, the Organa's, treated me as one of their own, but I never really felt like I belonged. I excelled in school and politics, thinking through my accomplishments I would finally feel accepted and while I have accomplished great things, deep down that is not enough for me. My biological father has done many hurtful things not only to me but those I love. A normal person would want to stay away from a tyrant, and while I know it would be smart of me to do that, I want to know that he loves me, that he is proud of me. I have always marched to the beat of my own drum, stood by my convictions. I just wish he could love me for who I am, instead of trying to make me into something I am not. As independent and self-sufficient as I am, I still need my father's love and approval. I want to know he cares. I want to know where I belong.